How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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