just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize