did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize