I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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