U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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