he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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