Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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