Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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