well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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