so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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