I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize