you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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