need another drink. this is the easiest way
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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