Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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