I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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