I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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