Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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