Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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