don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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