I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize