I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize