He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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