he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He better not be in your backpack
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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