He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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