remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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