Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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