you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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