I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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