Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
please come you make the beer taste better
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize