I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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