we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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