I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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