Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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