guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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