and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
even my farts smell like vagina
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
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