I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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