oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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