and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize