I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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