never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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