his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to sanitize my soul.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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