I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize