Can i not drive my cunt home
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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