if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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