i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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