he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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