We won't sleep together?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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