i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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