why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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