His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize